Finally Over...

Well its finally over and Barack won!! w00t! Pretty cool to be alive when the US elects the first African-American President. I was thinking, now that the election is over wouldn't it be interesting if John McCain, with no chance of ever becoming President now, became old John McCain, like John McCain circa 2000? He doesn't have to worry about appeasing the GOP anymore so he could actually be a maverick again! haha, sorry, just wanted to get maverick in there. And doesn't it say something about Sarah Palin's state that they are most likely going to re-elect Ted Stevens, a convicted felon?? Ah well, at least we don't have to see her on TV all the time now.

My mother sent me this email the other day. I don't know where it came from originally, but it definitely makes you think about how differently this race could have turned out. Here it is...

This is a close presidential race. But we really haven't measured the effect of "race" on the race. Think about this and what it means about how important "race" is.

Here it is:

Obama/Biden vs McCain/Palin, what if things were switched around?.....think about it.

What if the Obamas had paraded five children across the stage, including a three month old infant and an unwed, pregnant teenage daughter?

What if John McCain was a former president of the Harvard Law Review?

What if Barack Obama finished fifth from the bottom of his graduating class?

What if McCain had only married once, and Obama was a divorcee?

What if Obama was the candidate who left his first wife after a severe disfiguring car accident, when she no longer measured up to his standards?

What if Obama had met his second wife in a bar and had a long affair while he was still married?

What if Michelle Obama was the wife who not only became addicted to pain killers but also acquired them illegally through her charitable organization?

What if Cindy McCain graduated from Harvard?

What if Obama had been a member of the Keating Five? (The Keating Five were five United States Senators accused of corruption in 1989, igniting a major political scandal as part of the larger Savings and Loan crisis of the late 1980s and early 1990s.)

What if McCain was a charismatic, eloquent speaker?

What if Obama couldn't read from a teleprompter?

What if Obama was the one who had military experience that included discipline problems and a record of crashing seven planes?

What if Obama was the one who was known to display publicly, on many occasions, a serious anger management problem?

What if Michelle Obama's family had made their money from beer distribution?

What if the Obamas had adopted a white child?

You could easily add to this list. If these questions reflected reality, do you really believe the election numbers would be as close as they are?

Educational Background:

Barack Obama:
Columbia University - B.A. Political Science with a Specialization in
International Relations.
Harvard - Juris Doctor (J.D.) Magna Cum Laude

Joseph Biden:
University of Delaware - B.A. in History and B.A. in Political Science.
Syracuse University College of Law - Juris Doctor (J.D.)

vs.

John McCain:
United States Naval Academy - Class rank: 894 of 899

Sarah Palin:
Hawaii Pacific University - 1 semester
North Idaho College - 2 semesters - general study
University of Idaho - 2 semesters - journalism
Matanuska-Susitna College - 1 semester
University of Idaho - 3 semesters - B.A. in Journalism

Education isn't everything, but it is a lot. And this is about the two highest offices in the land as well as our standing in the world. You make the call.

I thought that was interesting, especially because if even a quarter of that stuff had been true about Obama, there is no way he would have even received the nomination. Hell, he probably wouldn't even be a Senator.

So.... Here's to the next 4-8 years!!

Go America!!!

Birthdays and presents and future presidents

It's my birthday and I wanted to share to everyone what my friend Stacey gave me. It is awesome.


And here is one where he is describing his new Agricultural Economy Plan to Mr. Potato-Head.

Haha. Classic.

See I told you...

The newest cover of the New Yorker makes me laugh.


Click to enbiggen!

I can't wait for Thursday night!

Breathtaking

I will start off by saying this will not be funny. However, it will be stunning.


This is a picture of Rannoch Moor in Scotland.



This is South Harris, also Scotland.



And this is Glen Trulm. Yes, you guessed it Scotland.

In short, Wow! I want to go.

You can see more of this photographers pictures here.

That is all.

Ilness and awesomeness!

Well this past weekend had its ups and downs, sometimes ups outnumber the downs, but not in Nottingham...oh, sorry, Disney tangent...Evey and Jess caught a stomach flu on Friday and were pretty sick all weekend, so that sucked, but the Titans are 2-0 for the first time since 1999. Not too shabby. Maybe they'll make it to the Super Bowl and lose by 1 yard again. Probably not. I managed to evade the sickness all weekend, until Sunday at like 9PM. Luckily, I wasn't as sick as the girls and only missed one work day. hmmm, luckily?

So this week is going to be action packed. My mom and step-dad arrive this evening for what has been named Birthday Week '08. Jess' mom, Susie's, was yesterday, my step-dad's is tomorrow, Jess' is Thursday, and then the main event: Evelyn's on Friday. Then the Big Birthday Bash on Saturday. It's going to be crazy. Crazy Awesome!

Thought I'd post a pic of the youngest birthday girl I took at lunch today so you all can see what she looks like now.

From late summer

Yeah she always has food on her face.

Oh and Jess and I bought a Vespa on Saturday too, so that was also exciting...

From late summer

From late summer

Hmm. That post wasn't very funny. But this is...

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

The Cafferty File and the Fall of the GOP

So, normally I tend to not pay attention to the talking heads on cable news, for many of the reasons outlined here and because of examples like this. However, sometimes these people actually make some interesting and well thought out points. I stumbled across Jack Cafferty's commentary blog on cnn.com today in which he discusses the state of the RNC and the GOP in general. As a liberal I usually agree with most of what Cafferty says, even when he is being kind of douche-y about it. I was intrigued by the insight into the decay of the Republican party, especially in regard to the fact that they seem to almost be unaware of the fact that they are a dying "brand."

Cafferty starts with,

This week the Republicans gather for their convention. For four days, they will labor under the illusion their party is still relevant. It's not.

It is entirely fitting that the headliner for this masquerade is a feeble looking 72-year-old white guy who doesn't know how many homes he owns.

It's more than symbolic that when a million Americans are losing their homes to foreclosure, the Republican candidate for president has lost track of his holdings.

The fact that ex-Senators think we are a "nation of whiners" and in a "mental recession" (see below) must say something about these political dinosaurs who are too close minded to open their eyes and observe the precarious position they have placed this country in over the past 8 years.

The most ludicrous thing is that most of them don't even realize the fundamental shift in the country. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that the majority of voters in this country aren't people who have lived long enough to see a Roosevelt in the Oval Office. They are people who barely remember Ronald Reagan in the White House, people who hardly even lived through the Cold War. These young people are not the only Americans, there are still members of the Greatest Generation and Plenty of Baby Boomers still kicking. But these young people, who know simply that this is not the America of their youth, this is not the America of their parent's youth, are the voice of America's future.

And that voice is loud, and getting louder every day.

Regardless of your political philosophy, it is hard to think that our country is in a good position right now. Economically, socially, internationally, we are in a dangerous place. Unfortunately, the GOP hasn't realized it yet. When you are stuck in your own fantasy world it is hard to see clearly.

Hopefully, the American people will be able to see clearly over the next two months and on November 4th.

If you haven't registered to vote here is a link, voteforchange.com. Here is another site if you so choose, rockthevote.org. If you don't want to enter an email address or recieve email from these sites, you could always do it the old fashioned way, you know Google "voter registration." I won't judge you for waiting this long to do it, just register.

Here is Phil Gramm, former Representative and Senator from Texas and John McCain's senior financial adviser from Summer 2007 until July 18, 2008, with a wonderful statement about Americans.

I suck...

So for those of you who care (read: no one) it is painfully obvious that sometimes I lack follow through and commitment. That being said, I'm not abandoning this blog, oh no! Instead I am doing away with the pressure caused by weekly entries that when feeling uncreative are more than a chore...torture would be more the word used. So, since blogging is all about fun and passing the love on to the kids....not that way, pervs... I will continue to blog, when it is fun, or I have something incredibly profound to say. Or if I find something really funny on the interwebs that must be shared. This is one of those cases. I have no idea where this came from, but is the most insane and hilarious thing I've seen today.



As my friend Chris pointed out, "Who the hell is Todd Hanks?!?!"

My only supposition, evil twin. or clone.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #14

Training for cage fights?
Don't want a roundhouse to the face?
Come to Rex Kwon Do!

Smart

This is a smart idea. Cause honestly when you're this drunk, you can't be bothered (or physically able) to actually read a sign explaining the consequences of public urination. You need it in an easy to comprehend street sign. What I'm slightly confused about is, do they plan on just snipping at the stream with garden shears like in the picture, or is that like a warning shot fired across the bow to let you know that you are crossing a line?

I suck metrically!

So, despite being around I still find it hard to remember to get on here everyday and be a responsible blogger...guess I'll never make that million. Oh well. Soldier on.

PS. It has been decided that "metric" should now be used as a universal adjective, adverb, and verb. possibly even a noun.
e.g "Whoa! That is totally metrical!"
"He is getting metric!"
"Metrically speaking, that was awesome!"


PPS. I like that after writing the nanofiction about Bewitched there were ads for wiccan spells on my blog...never can have too many of those.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #13

Broken leg, confined,
Watching neighbors through window,
Did he murder her?

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "Its Witchcraft, Wicked Witchcraft"

Paralyzed with fear, he looked into the witches eyes. Knowing it might be his last breath he paused to draw in every aspect of life available. Smells, sounds, and memories washed over him. She asked, “Did you leave the toilet seat down?!?!” He was terrified! Until he saw her nose wiggle and the seat lower.

This nanofiction was inspired by the fact that a co-worker is the niece of Elizabeth Montgomery.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Ok. If you haven't heard about Dr Horrible you are totally missing out. It is a musical, yes, you heard that right, a musical starring Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion. It was written by Joss Whedon, who created Buffy(the TV show) and Firefly. Any way, it is pure evil genius. The first act is available as of today, the second will go live Thursday and the third and final on Saturday. Check this out while you can. Act I is hilarious!!!!

Go!
NOW!!

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #12

Crane dies in shower,
Crazed cross dresser owns motel,
Mother is Norman.

Back-ish

OK. So the past 5 weeks have been kinda crazy. Went to D.C. Went to Nashville. Had to take off a week to watch Evey while Jess was in Asheville. So I've only been at a computer for about half of the past month, which makes goofing off at work that much harder....what with all the actual work to catch up on. But now there are no absences in the foreseeable future (which means until October). I should be able to resume my regular weekly posts, plus fun ones in between. That being said...don't hold it against me if I miss something. Hence the "Back-ish " blog title. I mean I'm only human...-ish.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #11

Little girl with dog,
Travels to wondrous new land,
Kills all the witches.

Hmm...

This would be slightly awkward.


Speaking of "Don't cross the streams..."

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #10

Crazy old man Kane,
Hides in his house, Xanadu,
It's a frakking sled???

Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like #4

Eggs

I like eggs,
From my head down to my legs.

I like sweets,
From my head down to my feets.

I like trees,
From my head down to my knees.

I like calves,
From my head down to my ...calves.

I like hoes,
From my head down to my ...well, you know.

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "The End is Nigh"

While traversing the globe, the young man saw many wondrous sights, all of which added to his appreciation of the planet. He knew that this world had only a few years left. His quest was to see it all before the end. Unfortunately, when the end came he was still in line for Batman tickets.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #10

General, now slave,
Am I not merciful, bitch?!?!
Don't make me cut you!

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "Beast Master"

The beast’s snout dripped gore as it looked up from the carcass that was its evening meal. The man standing near it seemed unafraid.
His only thought was of taming the wild brute.
Approaching slowly he drew the harness from within his robe.
“Good thing I’m omnipotent or this would be really difficult,” he thought.

Dino Mounts!

this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while, and it is really from a Bible coloring book!

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #9

Who you gonna call?
Just remember that you should
Never cross your streams!

A weeks inactivity

Wondering where I've been all week? I know you are. Well, here is the answer!!!
Washington, D.C.

Jess had to go to a conference and Evey and I went too. Long story short, we had fun but are glad to be home, even if only for a few days. Oh and having a baby with an ear infection on a trip sucks. FYI.

Also, Jess is crazy, she had a conference briefcase that they give all the attendees, but didn't want it. So when our bag was 2lbs over the weight limit she decided to throw it away. I said "Hopefully no one from DHS sees you do that or we are going to be here for a long time."

Here is a slideshow of some of the pics from our time in our nations capitol.



We are going to Nashville this week to see Eddie Izzard, but I will be able to have internet access there. The hotel in DC wanted $10 a day for internet access!!!

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #8

Dirty Harry's here,
Just ask yourself one question,
Do I feel lucky?

Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like #3

You know this is a rap.

Where, oh , where has Jack Bauer Gone?

It's been over a year since we saw Jack Bauer,
Even longer if you look for ep's with any real power.

We still gotta wait 'til next January
to see him kill a tango with a golfing tee.

I mean, what's Primetime without a little torture?
As long as its after that 10 PM hour.

His kill count increase has gone exponential,
and those bodies falling down are just torrential.

I hope the next season's as good as 5 and 2,
Not like 6 and 3 which were a big load of poo.

Serbs, "Arabs", Mexicans, and Brits,
Russians, Chinese, and others time permits.

They don't stand a chance against my man, Jack Bauer.
When they see him drive up they're gonna shake and cower.

So when it comes time to fight some evil,
You know we're gonna let Jack get primeval.

Peace. Or not.

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "Now Don't You Wish You'd Voted?"

The Man behind the Curtain

This week I thought it would be fun to let you read a Nanofiction by the creator of Nanofictionary, Andrew Looney. Mr. Looney has created a wonderful writing medium that I think requires the use of creativity and ingenuity that is not required in most other forms of writing. And now we queue the music.



Now Don't You Wish You'd Voted?

Against virtually impossible odds, the presidential election ended in a tie: Each major candidate won the exact same number of electoral votes. Strangely enough, due to a little known clause in the Constitution, the tie-breaker was decided by the Supreme Court, in a game of Capture the Flag held on the White House lawn.

Here is a link to more Nanofiction by Andrew Looney.

New Nashville Music

As a Nashvillian who has moved away, I feel it is up to me to make sure that people who aren't aware of musicians and bands from Nashville become aware of these fine men and women. wow, that was a long sentence.

Recently Autovaughn released a new EP, The Cycles. They rock! Here is the title songs video:

The Cycles



Also, next month Paper Route is releasing a new EP called Are We All Forgotten. I have been waiting for this since 2005!! So it should also be great. Here is a promo video they made for the EP.



Check out their myspace sites to hear some more of their music, you won't be disappointed.

Every-day Super Powers

Apparently all humans are pre-cogs. In this article we learn that there is a 1/10th of a second lag between light hitting your eye and your brain going, "OK. That is a monkey on a unicycle."

What? You don't see monkey unicyclists??

Anyway, according to the super smart scientists our brain has evolved a way of guessing what is going to happen based on all of the visual data it is receiving. That way when you are double-dutch jump roping, playing jacks, or participating in other schoolyard activities your brain and body know when to act so you don't get your feet tangled up or lose at jacks. Nobody wants to lose at jacks.

But what if everything you did was 1/10th of a second faster than everyone else? You could be the most lame Super Hero since Captain Planet!!!

You would be known as Slightly Ahead Man. or Mister Jump-the-Gun. or The Senses. Ok, that one was really lame...I think we have a winner!

Just think.... you could finish peoples sentences, deny having farted first, enjoy ice cream more quickly! The possibilities are 1/10th of endless!!

Man, I wish I had more powers than my stupid old seeing-the-future eyes that everyone else has.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #7

Ship hit an iceberg,
No longer King-of-the-World,
Just Frozen Leo.

Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like #2

Real American Heroes

Sent to a prison in '72,
for a crime they didn't commit.
False confinement wasn't too much,
for this crack commando outfit.

They promptly escaped
from max security stocks,
to the L.A. underground.
Although you may never actually find them,
we know they'll always be 'round.

Despite still being hunted,
by the U.S. government,
They survive as mercenaries,
to stop those who torment.

If you find yourself in trouble,
and no one else has the steam,
then try searching for them,
seems you need the A-Team.

Gulp!!

If you didn't see the Lost Season 4 Finale last night than this won't mean anything. But if you did...HOLY CRAP!!!!

Advertising at its finest

Now to be honest I have only played the demo to the new game by the guys from Penny Arcade.
But with ads like this it must be amazing.


On the Rain Slick Precipice of Darkness

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "Tasty, Tasty Love"

Tasty, Tasty Love

Their serendipitous meeting was worthy of epic poetry. Their love shook the heavens and brought gods to their knees. By chance they were thrown together to create one of the greatest romances the world has ever known. Soul mates. They were Chocolate and Peanut Butter and their children would rule the world forever as Reese’s.

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #2-6

Sorry this is late
I hope these make up for it
If not, well, I'll live.

Quadrilogy

Pissed off cop McClane,
Running barefoot on glass shards,
Take that Hans Gruber.

Pissed off cop McClane,
Trapped in an old airport, but
Carl Winslow's still there.

Pissed off cop McClane,
Plus pissed off Sam Jackson, means

lots of the word fuck!

Pissed off cop McClane,
Really? another Die Hard???
with the Mac kid?? no?!?!

Legacy Edition

Pissed off cop McClane,
Always in some kind of shit,
shoots peeps, blows things up.



Plus, just 3 days left
to place your vote for punching
Fox News is winning

Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like #1

Negotiation

Slowly drawing the pistol
he neared the corner.
Peering around, he spied
the hostage taker, Warner.
Then lined up a shot
from his place behind cover.
One little distraction and
Bang! it was over.

Evelyn

Wanted to post some pictures of Evey that have been taken over the past couple of months.

Stupid Temp!

Take that you half-bearded bastard!



Jim Halpert put it best...

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup- "One Poor Choice"

One Poor Choice

Harold Montgomery knew that this was wholly his fault. Fenders locked together, horns blaring, fists waving, as voices and tempers rose to a cacophony. Slowly inching forward he made a solemn vow; never would he be forced to wait in such a staggeringly long line of cars again. Next time he would go to Wendy’s

Monday's Blockbuster Haiku #1

Bit by a spider,
now jumping from building tops,
he's still a huge nerd.

"Classic" Literature

Yesterday Jessica and I went to see Prince Caspian (pretty good) and on the way we were discussing "classic" novels thats everyone should read at least once in their life. You may have been forced to read these in school or had them recommended by a pretentious friend along with a verbose reason why you should read said book (see what I did there with the fancy words?) But regardless of the reason you started to read the book you soon determined that there was no way in hell you would ever finish reading it.

The problem, we decided, with "classic" literature based on our silly world is just that. It's based on our world. Every one of these novels is trying to push some moral lesson, theme of rebellion, or societal problem down your throat on every page. The 20th century is most notorious for these type of books. (In its defense the last century was a huge one for the progress of the planet, but still...)

If someone came up to you and said, "Here read this giant near 700 page tome about the socio-economic and political problems of the 1930s. It is depressing and may make you want to shoot yourself, but it is awesome," you might be more cautious than if the same fucking douche said, "Here, this is John Steinbeck's greatest work, The Grapes of Wrath, you have to read it. It will change your life. And it won a Pulitzer."

The interesting thing is that I grew up as a voracious reader. I was constantly in the middle of some book or another and am still that way now. The difference for me was that reading was a way of escaping all the crap that was forced down my throat by school or life in general. If I am going to spend my time with a book I don't want it trying to do the same, with messages of "You should not fear him because his skin is a different color," or, "They should have the same rights even if they are a different sex," or, "Socialism is a great idea, it's just not practical." Not that these are bad ideas. Not at all. In fact they are all wonderful and great ideas and reasons that the 20th century actually did kick a lot of ass (well maybe not the socialism one.) I just don't want you preaching to me about it and hiding behind some delinquent teenage character who would never actually get away with some of the crap he/she does, but since its a novel they do. Oh but you might say, "What, Jason? The Catcher in the Rye is one of the greatest books of all time. And although Holden has issues with rebellion, defiance, and alienation, by the end of the book he is a lot more optimistic about life." To that I would respond...
"Quit being a douchebag!! It may have a ton of good themes and lessons, but in the end it is boring!!!"

Now after reading this you may be curious about what I actually can read and enjoy. The answer may surprise you....children's book, sci-fi, and fantasy. These genres have what it takes to completely escape from all of the ridiculously depressing stories of our world. Now you may be thinking, "Don't lots of those types of novels also deal with xenophobia, slavery, and other socio-economic quandaries?" The answer: yes. However, it is much easier to digest in this form. In "classic" adult literature, you may be asked to consume some hidden theme about why Character A hates Character B. In Sci-fi, its pretty easy. Character A hates Character B because he has pointing fucking ears...and that is different. I'm not expected to guess that Character A is a Serbian and Character B is a Croat and obviously they hate each other because of religious and territorial issues, not because of the fact that they look the same, speak the same language, and come from the same region.

So in summary:
If you want to recommend a book, just think about these points first.
1. Did I read it in school?
2. Were there any themes that I was asked to discuss?
3. Was I supposed to learn a lesson from reading it?
4. Is it completely devoid of spaceships, aliens, wizards, and swordplay?

If the answer to all of these is Yes. Then you might want to rethink your stance on the awesomness of this book.


Also, poetry sucks for the same reason, except poetry sucks worse because not only do you have to search for the meaning, but you have to search for the frakking decoder ring that will allow you to make head or fucking tails of the damn thing. And the poem is only 8 lines long.
With this in mind I am going to add two new weekly segments to my blog. The first will be Monday's Blockbuster Haiku. This section will be a blockbuster movie summarized in Haiku. The second will be Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like. This is pretty self-explanatory. I will write a poem that doesn't try to trick you into looking for the hidden meaning. And will probably have explosions of some kind. Add these to Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup and we have a week's worth of work to do instead of actual work!

Pizza

Recently some friends of mine have been arguing about pizza. How to eat it, where to eat it, and safe ways of eating it. The thing about this is that Pizza is a simple food, who comes from humble beginnings and really only wants to get by in this cruel, cruel world. Pizza wants to be its own person, provide for its family, and make its mother proud. In short, Pizza is just like you and me. In order to help Pizza, I have decided that the only way to settle this is to delineate all the steps needed to properly consume Pizza. My tool: The Flowchart!

Box ==> Hand ==> Mouth

There you have it folks. All you'll ever need to know about the journey Pizza takes on its way to making this world a better place.

Long live the 'Za!!



Update: If you work in the pizza industry you may indeed need to know more about Pizza's voyage. For more information, please see your pizza emporium's manager.

Rain

So for people who don't know, it rains a lot in Tallahassee during the summer. As in every day there is rain for at least 30 minutes in the afternoon.

This got me thinking.

What if there was a place that had every kind of weather phenomenon every day??

My daily schedule would look something like this:

7am- Wake up to the gentle rumblings of our daily 4 point earthquake.

8am- Bundle up, because you have to go defrost the windows for your morning commute though a quick 2in snowfall.

11am- Early lunch, have to get back to the office before Hurricane Ted hits at 1:30pm.

3pm- Afternoon snack/Watch today's tornado fly past office window.

5pm- Run across parking lot to avoid golf ball sized hail.

7pm- Eat dinner on patio to enjoy the evening's lightning storm. Keep plenty of rubber nearby.

10pm- Drift off to sleep to the soft patter of rainfall.

12pm- Dream of rainbows. (Because of the rain...yeah that's it.)


Hmm.. other than earthquakes, hurricanes, and tornadoes it doesn't actually sound too bad.

Especially the rainbows.

Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup-PSA

Don't be a funsucker. No one likes someone who sucks the fun out of things because they are miserable. If you are miserable do the responsible thing and wallow, at home, by yourself. In the long run people will like you better and you will live longer, maybe. Please, don't funsuck.

The More You Know.



Nanofiction and public service combined in one?? Tell me I never did anything for you.

Last night's category...

Classic Westerns involving red cowboy boots:

The Good, The Bad, and The Fabulous (Robin Scherbatsky)
The Magnificent Kevin (Lily Aldrin)
No Country for Straight Men (Marshall Eriksen)

My list:
1. Guy Noon
2. Unfor-gay-ven
3. How the West was Hung
4. Shootout at the No-Pants Corral
5. Lonesome Doug
6. Dances with Bruce
7. A Fistful of Collars
8. The Pants-less Frontier
9. The Queen and the Dead
10. Flaming Saddles


Surprisingly, there are a lot of Westerns that don't even need a name change to make it on this list:
Pale Rider
For a Few Dollars More
Hang 'Em High
Angel and the Badman
The Rare Breed
The Naked Spur


Man this list was pretty fun to make, and surprisingly easy...hmm I wonder what that says about me?

oh well

She still may have a chance!

So despite the fact that Hillary Clinton is losing pretty badly and should throw in the towel, she is still in the race. She wants Michigan and Florida to be counted so badly she can taste it...too bad she was the only democrat on the ballot in Michigan.

Anyway, I found this great informational video delineating the steps Hillary needs to take to win the Democratic nomination. I think you'll all agree that with a little hard work anything is possible.




haha Hillary is a goner!

Obama 08!

Tampa May 6&7- Radiohead, Busch Gardens

So, I'm freshly returned from a mid-week trip to Tampa to see Radiohead and go to Busch Gardens. It was awesome.

Despite drinking a "little" too much on Cinco de Mayo I was still able to make the drive down in just at 4 hours (no stops.)

The show was incredible. They played a nice mix of songs from older albums while still managing to get out 9 of the 10 from In Rainbows. The show was just over 2 hours and they played 24 songs. Again Incredible! Here is the setlist:

Setlist:

1. All I Need
2. There There
3. Lucky
4. Bangers and Mash
5. 15 Step
6. Nude
7. Pyramid Song
8. Optimistic
9. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
10. National Anthem
11. Idioteque
12. You And Whose Army?
13. Reckoner
14. Everything In Its Right Place
15. Airbag
16. Bodysnatchers
17. Videotape

Encore:

18. The Gloaming
19. The Tourist
20. Just
21. Faust Arp
22. Exit Music (for a film)

Encore 2:

23. The Bends
24. House of Cards

Oh yeah and we were in the 4th row. We could have hit Ed with a water bottle if we had wanted to get kicked out. Great seats.

The next day Chris Beck and I went to Busch Gardens. We had gone in March and as FL residents when you pay once you get to go back all year for free. Pretty nice. Makes the $70 ticket price more reasonable now that it was only $35 a trip. When we got there we immediately rode Montu which is probably my favorite rollercoaster. It has lots of inversions, loops, and barrel rolls. And it is very long, like a couple minutes of craziness. 3,983 feet of track!!

Up next is Shiekra, the newest coaster, it is also insane. 200ft drop at a 90 degree angle is just plain crazy. But really the anticipation is the worst part...the drop isn't that bad. Check it out...but be careful people scream in the video.



All in all a fun trip. Glad to be home though.

Cinco de Mayo Mustache Madness!!

So after 8 weeks of growth the mustache was born!

Best Cinco de Mayo costume ever!!

Typical Bang

I stumbled across this video of our friends American Bang playing for SPIN at Coachella last week.

I can honestly say that this video quite possibly is the perfect representation of the Bang... Jaren and Kelby shirtless and rockin....Neil beating on anything he can get his hands on...and Ben, well, being Ben.

I love these guys..and am slightly sad that we live so far away from them now. Well, not slightly. Largely.

Coachella 2008: American Bang, "She Don't Cry No More&q

Greatest. Invention. Ever.

If only I had $3,000.

Out of Control

So my friend Yaacov and i are planning on going to see Iron Man on Saturday, cause we are nerds, but we asked our other friend Chris to come and he said, "I'll let you know." so I asked him, "how about I let you know?!?" to which he responded, "Hm. Let me think about that."

So obviously this is annoying... 30 minutes later. I had determined which showing was in Digital Projection. Thinking this would pique his interest I said, "1130...digital projection, saturday morning."
Chris: "I'm actually boycotting all things digital."
Jason: " Except the digital picture of me punching you in the face........'It looks so real!' "

So here we are 4 hours later and still no response. But he will go, oh yes, he will go. It has been foretold.



Also, I took my guitar to the shop a week ago to get some work done and I still haven't heard from them with an estimate of cost. I'm about to have to whip out digital picture Jason and punch some guitar techs in the face! or at least call them and see what the deal is..

Free Hats!!!

Let me tell you a story. This is a cautionary tale to all people who value patriotism, freedom, love, and sandwiches. Ok, well it doesn't really involve those things but it got you interested. Anyway these are way too politically charged times for me to be writing about patriotism and freedom.

No, this story is about Larry.

Free Hats!

As Larry’s grasp on reality slipped away, he knew what Chicago needed. Certain that wild falcons would enliven the city; he began illegally importing birds by the thousand and releasing them. He was right. May 10^th was declared a holiday: “Shoot a Bird, Get a Hat Day”. Now, I have twelve hats. Larry’s still crazy.

I love Nanofiction.

I think I'll do it more frequently....which means I'll being playing it with Jess more often I'm sure.
That will make her happy.

Thanks to Petch Petcherson for the setting, problem, and resolution used to inspire Free Hats!

Inner City Pressure

No song has been able to convey the rigors of living in a big city like Tallahassee quite like this gem from Flight of the Conchords.

Inner City Pressure

Inner city life, inner city pressure
The concrete world is starting to get ya
The city is alive, the city is expanding,
Living in the city can be demanding,
You’ve pawned everything, everything you own,
Your toothbrush, jar, and a camera phone
You don’t know where you’re going
You cross the street
You don’t know why you did,
You walk back across the street.
Standing in the sitting room, totally skint
And your favorite jersey is covered in lint
You want to sit down, but you sold your chair
So you just stand there
You just stand there
You just stand there

Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure

Counting coins on the counter of the 7-11,
From a quarter past six ‘til a quarter to seven,
The manager Bevan starts to abuse me
Hey man, I just want some Muesli,
Neon signs, hidden messages,
Questions, answers, fetishes,
You know you’re not in high finance,
Considering getting second hand underpants,
Check your mind, how’d it get so bad?
What happened to those other underpants you had,
Look in your pockets, haven’t found a cent yet,
Landlords on your balls, have you paid your rent yet?

Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure

So you think maybe you’ll be a prostitute,
Just to pay for your lessons, you’re learning the flute,
The ladies won’t pay you very much for this,
Looks like you’ll never be a concert flautist,
You don’t measure up to the expectation
When you’re unemployed there’s no vacation
No one cares, no one sympathizes
You just stay home and play synthesizers.

Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure

Inner
Inner city
Inner city pressure
Inner city pressure

What are you searching for hidden treasure?
All you'll find is...
Inner City Pressure
You've lost perspective like a picture by Escher,
It's the pressure
Pressure



It feels good to know someone else has to deal with the same things I do.

The Code

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes he needs a code to determine his actions.

That time is now!

I present to you The Bro Code by Barnabus Stinson. Due to the clandestine nature of The Code and the fact that it is stored "in a non-disclosed location, two stories beneath sea level in a vacuum-sealed bulletproof chamber" very few people have ever even seen The Code, let alone taken a snapshot. But I am lucky enough to be able to show you the only known photograph of The Bro Code in existence.



Yes. It really exists.

Now it is up to you to determine if you have reached that crossroads in your life that you feel can only be filled by The Code. If so, then you have received the only clues you will ever receive concerning its location.

Go now and become a Bro of the highest standing!

DDR!

How many of you have ever wanted to get completely wasted and then go driving around at insane speeds, but didn't really like the idea of risking a DUI and jail time, or the thought of possibly committing vehicular manslaughter??

I know I have!!

Well now you can! With Rockstar games new title...

Drunk Driving Revolution!!!

Drink as much as you like, then stumble to any car you want!! They are all available!!



But wait!!!! There's more!!!

For those of you who love both bowling and Dancified opera we are throwing in our new mini-game title...

The Bowler of Seville!!

Not only do you get to bowl with Figaro, you can also throw darts and shoot pool!! This is easily the greatest 3 in 1 game set of all time!!!! You will spend hours attempting to get Turkeys, Bullseyes, and not scratching!!

Well...feel free to scratch if you need to!



If I was to ask you how much you thought this set cost you would probably guess somewhere in the 12, ooo range. But NO!!!
If you call in the next 15 minutes not only will we give you DDR!!! but we will throw in The Bowler of Seville for the low, low price of 3 easy installments of $99!!!

Never before has this much entertainment been offered for so low a price!!! Never before has such a deal been offered in this blog!!!
Act now while supplies last!

Blogger's are standing by.

Damn Titans

I should have posted this yesterday..but I'm lazy.

What the heck were the Titans thinking?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Most of you probably don't know or care..... but the Titans had the 24th overall pick...which isn't great when looking for a great skill player. But when you get to the 24th pick and all of the elite receivers are there (...which you need!!!!!!) and you decide to take a no-name running back from the East Carolina Purple Pirates something is up. Granted the kid is pretty good and was ranked as like the 5th back in the draft...but they could have had any receiver..ANY!!!!

oh well.. maybe he'll become the player Reggie Bush was supposed to be. haha...yeah right... Reggie Bush can't even become the player he was supposed to be.


ok on to the funny...

Crazy..the song..not the mental status

What happens when you take one of the catchiest songs of 2006 and combine it with one of the most odd, yet amazing instruments of the 20th century??

Now you know...

If only the whole world was like this...

Ben Linus is scary

So after a nice evening of hilarity on NBC I switched over to ABC for the first new episode of Lost in a month.

Holy crap!! This show just continues to blow my mind. We knew something crazy had to happen, but actually seeing it...no words.

Here in the Eastern Time Zone it starts at 10pm..which means by the time we are all wired up and hopping on Island inspired adrenaline it ends...at 11pm. Then I'm supposed to go to sleep?!??!! Are you crazy?!

Anyway, for those who don't watch this show...you are really missing out. i know it was kinda slow for a season and a half, but there is new life in this beast and it is firing on all cylinders! Season 4 right now is working its way to being as good as Season 1. I know...bold words...but definitely true.

Doesn't it seem like only yesterday when it was hard to think of Ben Linus as Ben? I mean he was Henry for so long giving him a new name was crazy, but so is Ben..so there is that.

So in summary. Lost is intensely awesome!


Oh, and on an unrelated topic...

Ryan Howard on blow is hilarious.

In addition

As some of you know I enjoy things. Now, I know what you are thinking, "Jason, we all enjoy things!" But I believe I enjoy more things than you do!!! Movies, music, books, games, food, etc. These are only a few of the literally dozens of things I enjoy.

As someone who prides himself on being an enjoyifier of high caliber and pedigree I will occasionally place reviews or recommendations of said "enjoyable" things.

The first thing to receive a Jason Flowers' Stamp of Enjoyment is the recently released film Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Jess and I had the fortune to celebrate seven years together (as a couple) last week and thought, "Hey! Let's get a babysitter and watch a film about people breaking up! It will makes us feel better because we are the most awesomest in the entire world!" (if you didn't know this...it is true.)

So Saturday morning came ( yes, we are lame and go to the movies on the weekend..before noon. its only 4 bucks!) and we entered the theater for the first movie we have seen at a theater since February and only the third since Evey was born.

Sidebar....Babies take up a lot of time.

As the movie began we were excited because we love us some Jason Segal and Kristen Bell and knew that this movie would make us laugh uncontrollably. Literally, like asked to shut up or leave!

Anyway, that Jason Segal is very daring with what he will do on camera. I mean within 5 minutes we were exposed to something we did not expect to see not once, not twice, but thrice!! I shan't give away what the afore mentioned thing was, but if/when you have seen it...you will know. Needless to say we knew we were in for a hilariously ballsy ride!

Well onto the actual film. It was not an entirely original story, boy loses girl, boy goes to Hawaii, oops girl is in Hawaii with new boy, boy meets new girl who helps him get over girl. Typical RomCom fare. What is so impressive about this film was that the "bad guy", Sarah Marshall is a character that you eventually feel compassion towards. That being said...she is still a stupid biatch!I mean, who could ever dump Marshall from HIMYM???

In fact the females in this Judd Apatow film, felt pretty real. Unlike in 40 year old Virgin, Knocked Up, or Superbad, these girls weren't shallowly written concoctions of an adolescent male brain. Ok, so they were written by a 20 something male, but they had dreams, aspirations, disappointments, fears, insecurities, etc.

Oh and they were both super hot. Especially VMars. I heart Kristen Bell.

Another strength of this film was its supporting characters from Bill Hader as Segal's step-brother to the always hilarious Paul Rudd as the completely-out-of-it surfing instructor, they all had us cracking up!

I was, however, not a fan of Jonah Hill's performance. While great in Superbad, his character was just a little too awkward and uncomfortable to watch. And not in a The Office kind of uncomfortable, but in a "wow, they should have gotten a different actor" uncomfortable.

All in all, Forgetting Sarah Marshall was a great film that both Jess and I thoroughly enjoyed. Maybe not as much as The Empire Strikes Back or Raiders of the Lost Ark, but much more than Batman and Robin.

Lastly, I would like to bring everyone's attention to Russell Brand who stars as British rock star and lothario Aldous Snow. This guy is is f***ing hilarious!!!!!
This is a video of his fake band fromthe movie.



Infant Sorrow

Smoking is bad!

Quite possibly the most convincing anti-smoking ads I have ever seen.

Kids, don't let 3P0 and R2 down!




Here's a link to the full minute long version!!! It's awesome!!!

You Only Live Once

So this is the second video for You Only Live Once by the Strokes..and it totally kicks ass.

Cash moneez!!!

In order to begin raking in the dough I have determined that easily the most sure fire way to become a gajillionaire over night is with.......web ads!!!

So if you don't mind please begin by clicking on the links at the bottom of the page. As incentive, as soon as I have made my first million..the first 5 people to leave comments on this post will each receive $10,000.

Yes, you read that right $10k!!!

(jmflow does not guarantee that web ads will indeed lead to $1,000,000 in profit...if say jmflow earns $1,000,000 on his own with some ridiculously brilliant idea he comes up with tomorrow..then you get nothing.)

In order to make the ads more exciting I will periodically add words that might at least make for interesting web viewage.

Today's topic: guitars

Fender, gibson, guitar, amplifier, strings, music



In case you are wondering, everything you read above this...is a lie. You all know that I can't give you any money...Jess would kill me.

Weblogosphericalifornia!

So, I have decided that I have enough free time to become a part-time bloggist.

I am not sure how much money I can feasibly expect to make with such a fiscal venture, however I have been assured of at least making an extra 1-2 figures worth of income to add to my already exorbitant salary from my Faculty position at a state school.

I am also aware that this extra accrual of funds will most likely be due to my ability to successfully borrow 1 dollar at a time from friends and family.

Also, fondue does sound good...dammit!