"Classic" Literature

Yesterday Jessica and I went to see Prince Caspian (pretty good) and on the way we were discussing "classic" novels thats everyone should read at least once in their life. You may have been forced to read these in school or had them recommended by a pretentious friend along with a verbose reason why you should read said book (see what I did there with the fancy words?) But regardless of the reason you started to read the book you soon determined that there was no way in hell you would ever finish reading it.

The problem, we decided, with "classic" literature based on our silly world is just that. It's based on our world. Every one of these novels is trying to push some moral lesson, theme of rebellion, or societal problem down your throat on every page. The 20th century is most notorious for these type of books. (In its defense the last century was a huge one for the progress of the planet, but still...)

If someone came up to you and said, "Here read this giant near 700 page tome about the socio-economic and political problems of the 1930s. It is depressing and may make you want to shoot yourself, but it is awesome," you might be more cautious than if the same fucking douche said, "Here, this is John Steinbeck's greatest work, The Grapes of Wrath, you have to read it. It will change your life. And it won a Pulitzer."

The interesting thing is that I grew up as a voracious reader. I was constantly in the middle of some book or another and am still that way now. The difference for me was that reading was a way of escaping all the crap that was forced down my throat by school or life in general. If I am going to spend my time with a book I don't want it trying to do the same, with messages of "You should not fear him because his skin is a different color," or, "They should have the same rights even if they are a different sex," or, "Socialism is a great idea, it's just not practical." Not that these are bad ideas. Not at all. In fact they are all wonderful and great ideas and reasons that the 20th century actually did kick a lot of ass (well maybe not the socialism one.) I just don't want you preaching to me about it and hiding behind some delinquent teenage character who would never actually get away with some of the crap he/she does, but since its a novel they do. Oh but you might say, "What, Jason? The Catcher in the Rye is one of the greatest books of all time. And although Holden has issues with rebellion, defiance, and alienation, by the end of the book he is a lot more optimistic about life." To that I would respond...
"Quit being a douchebag!! It may have a ton of good themes and lessons, but in the end it is boring!!!"

Now after reading this you may be curious about what I actually can read and enjoy. The answer may surprise you....children's book, sci-fi, and fantasy. These genres have what it takes to completely escape from all of the ridiculously depressing stories of our world. Now you may be thinking, "Don't lots of those types of novels also deal with xenophobia, slavery, and other socio-economic quandaries?" The answer: yes. However, it is much easier to digest in this form. In "classic" adult literature, you may be asked to consume some hidden theme about why Character A hates Character B. In Sci-fi, its pretty easy. Character A hates Character B because he has pointing fucking ears...and that is different. I'm not expected to guess that Character A is a Serbian and Character B is a Croat and obviously they hate each other because of religious and territorial issues, not because of the fact that they look the same, speak the same language, and come from the same region.

So in summary:
If you want to recommend a book, just think about these points first.
1. Did I read it in school?
2. Were there any themes that I was asked to discuss?
3. Was I supposed to learn a lesson from reading it?
4. Is it completely devoid of spaceships, aliens, wizards, and swordplay?

If the answer to all of these is Yes. Then you might want to rethink your stance on the awesomness of this book.


Also, poetry sucks for the same reason, except poetry sucks worse because not only do you have to search for the meaning, but you have to search for the frakking decoder ring that will allow you to make head or fucking tails of the damn thing. And the poem is only 8 lines long.
With this in mind I am going to add two new weekly segments to my blog. The first will be Monday's Blockbuster Haiku. This section will be a blockbuster movie summarized in Haiku. The second will be Friday's Poems I Might Actually Like. This is pretty self-explanatory. I will write a poem that doesn't try to trick you into looking for the hidden meaning. And will probably have explosions of some kind. Add these to Wednesday's Nanofiction Roundup and we have a week's worth of work to do instead of actual work!